Move Heathrow to Essex


I have a warning for all my fellow yachtsmen who enjoy the moody marshes, quiet creeks, and rural rivers of the Thames Estuary: a former Tory councillor, and promoter of air travel, Kit Malthouse, wants Heathrow Airport moved to Essex.

He wants the constituents of his hoped-for seat, West Central, on the London Assembly which votes next May, to be woken up by incoming jets no longer.

Well I’ve got news for Mr Malthouse – known affectionately as S***house around Westminster – the only concrete that will be laid on the mudflats of the Thames Estuary will be to take his Oxford toe-caps.

Back off pal, you are mixing with the wrong kind.