Shakespeare in modern idiom


A modern script-writer Martin Baum, has re-written 15 of Shakespeare’s plays in the ‘language of the street’.

I’ve had a go at an (abridged) Scene 1 of The Tempest:

On a ship at sea, blowing like a b**tard

Master: Bosun?
Bosun: Here, guv, what’s the problem?
Master: Tell the crew to shift their arse or we’re gonna hit the rocks

Enter mariners

Bosun: Oi you lot drop the topsail sharpish
Alonso: You’re ‘avin a laugh ent ya?
Antonio: Where’s the guv?
Gonzalo: What about our passengers, there’s a bleedin royal among ’em innit?
Bosun: You twits. You’re about as much use as a chocolate anchor.
Do you think the sea gives a sh**?
Gonzalo: I’d give a plasma telly and all the mingin’ ocean for a sniff of shopping precinct turf. If I’m gonna get wasted I’d rather croak on dry land, savvy?